You have more free time than you think you do today, so use it wisely. Devote more energy to research and look at the issues you are struggling with a bit more deeply. Your attitude about your physical self needs to change, and if it takes some research to help you find an answer, then you can find that answer today. Invest some time in exploring a different philosophy or religion. You don't have to adopt it, but there is more to life than what you currently believe.